“There is a syndrome where perfectionism masks a silent depression. You won’t allow your pain or sadness to be expressed. You are petrified of anyone being able to see an inkling of self-doubt or sorrow, fatigue or vulnerability. So you’re seen by others as a “mover and a shaker” – you know how to get things done, and done well. Your life looks great – absolutely no whining coming from you. You count your blessings, every day.

“There’s not a self-pitying bone in your body.”

HERE is a video with Dr. Margaret Rutherford on how some people who seem to have perfect lives are hiding depression.

Aromatherapy candles are great. But how about starting your day with cinnamon toast, lemon tea, and mango shampoo?

Get creative with how you incorporate scent into your life, and choose uplifting aromas to surround yourself at every turn.

Scents that traditionally are uplifting include: citrus (lemon, orange, mango), mint, florals like lilac and jasmine, lavender, rosemary and other herbs.

Or choose scents that lift you up based on your associations and memories such as sugar cookies, rose water, popcorn, your mother's perfume or your father's pipe tobacco.

Spring Cleaning

Getting rid of things you don't need any more makes room for new memories.

It's a simple anti-depression technique, as well.

TRIGGER WARNING: This is a particularly upsetting subject.

There is help for suicidal thoughts and urges, but when you're feeling that bleak you can't believe there is hope or see any way to go on.

The website OC87 Recovery Diaries presents “stories of mental health, empowerment and change.” Many of these are first-person accounts of climbing back from suicidal periods and suicide attempts. Reading about others who have been there may calm, reassure or inspire you.

Stories such as “Dear Mom, I Want to Kill Myself” by Tree Franklyn”: “No one understood. In a world of six billion people, I was alone."

With first person essays, short films, interviews and reviews on topics from addiction to schizophrenia, you will find stories you can relate to.

“You're gonna' be nowhere, the loneliest kind of lonely.
It may be rough going;
Just to do your thing's the hardest thing to do.

“But you've gotta' make your own kind of music,
Sing your own special song.
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along.”

Mama Cass – Make Your Own Kind of Music 

Get help.

With COVID and now extraordinary uncertainty about the future of the United States, it's important for parents to know that there is help available. The following statistics were written BEFORE recent events:

“...approximately 2% of children and at least 4% of adolescents suffer from depression at any given time. By the end of high school, approximately one young person in five will have had at least one episode of depression.

“Children and adolescents who are under stress, who experience loss, or who have attentional, learning, conduct, or anxiety disorders are at a higher risk for depression... The good news is that depression is a treatable illness.”

CLICK HERE for the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry’s online depression resource center.

Give Yourself Grace

I haven’t posted a tip for several days, and that’s okay. As Stuart Smalley, Al Franken’s beloved SNL character, always said, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me!”

Try not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good. None of us is perfect.

But most of us are pretty darn good.

So do your best to be consistent in your efforts to tame depression, but recognize that sometimes inconsistency or improvisation leads to amazing discoveries and breakthroughs. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” And I make it a practice to always take seriously any sentence that includes the word “hobgoblin”.

Because I’m pretty sure I do not have a little mind, and because I believe these tips may help someone, I will have to try to do better in the consistency department.

Depression is not about what's going on in your life, it's about how you think about what's going on in your life.

Catching self-abusing thoughts and turning them into rational assessments of a situation is key.

Try to remember to react to automatic thoughts with rational responses, and write it down: list automatic thoughts on the left half of a piece of paper and the rational response to each thought on the right side.

Even when you're so depressed you can't see the solution, try this technique, pioneered by David D. Burns, whose books are fundamentals in the field of depression.

Click HERE for a yoga YouTube channel, Yoga with Kassandra, with truly easy stretches, breathing exercises, yoga tutorials, and more. Kassandra is down-to-earth and clear, and her exercises are super-doable.

Write Your Way Out

“In the eye of a hurricane

"There is quiet
For just a moment.
A yellow sky.

"When I was seventeen a hurricane
Destroyed my town.
I didn’t drown.
I couldn’t seem to die.

I wrote my way out”.

– from Hamilton

Journal.

Make lists of things you've accomplished.

Write automatic thoughts and then rational responses to them (David D. Burns). Write down the automatic thought depressing you right now – not what you are feeling but what you are thinking. Then write down a rational response to that automatic thought.

Write your way out.

Get help -- which may come from a variety of resources.

The passage here was written in the first months of the COVID pandemic, but the advice rings true today. With so much change all around them, including heading to the end of the school year and possibly decisions about their futures, kids need someone to listen to them and to guide them.

“Coaches have a vital role to play here. They can help their athletes process what is going on, discuss their feelings, try to come up with ways to make the seniors feel special – even if they never play another game. I promise you, coaches are already doing this.

“Something else coaches are doing – they're checking on their athletes who they know can be in vulnerable positions. As soon as Governor Roy Cooper announced the statewide closure of schools, I saw numerous coaches on Twitter offering to help kids get food and meals, bring them school supplies, help them find Internet connections, or offer other types of help as needed.”

Those of us with mental illness had a fierce advocate in actor and author Carrie Fisher.

She made it OK to be depressed, bipolar, or otherwise mentally ill.

“We have been given a challenging illness, and there is no other option than to meet those challenges,” Fisher said. “Think of it as an opportunity to be heroic – not ‘I survived living in Mosul during an attack’ heroic, but an emotional survival. An opportunity to be a good example to others who might share our disorder.”

– Carrie Fisher interview for The Guardian

“That's the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it's impossible to ever see the end.”

– Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

Sometimes it does feel impossible, but you CAN regain hope.

* * * * *

Here's a song I find inspiring. It is rap, and I know that's not for everyone. But it's full of hope and inspiration.

Hold on.

I don't know about you, but right about now, I just want to lock out the world and watch videos. Perhaps you can relate? Many of us are feeling nervous, depressed, frightened, confused, uncertain...

What can you do to stave off depression in precarious times?

As often as you can manage, focus outside of yourself and engage in the world.

Help someone else. Give blood. Talk to a senior citizen. Volunteer once a week.

No need to make a big commitment that may feel overwhelming.

Do something – no matter how small it seems to you – that is not about you. Acts of kindness and acts of service can fend off depression.

Create regular eating habits to ease depression.

There can be relief in simply not thinking about what to eat for dinner every day, and not foraging throughout the day, but rather having a simple, regular plan.

There can also be significant physical relief as digestion becomes more regular.

When carbohydrates are regularly decreased, especially simple sugars, and vegetables are increased, there is often a mood stabilizing effect. That is a lot easier to accomplish when you have a plan and have created a habit instead of grabbing things on the fly.

Rumination used to be a major problem for me, and it still plagues me at times. "Rumination" is the term for what a cow does with its food -- chewing the same bit over and over again, swallowing it, then bringing it back up to chew more. Wash, rinse, repeat. Sound familiar?

From the website of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy center of Los Angeles:

"Rumination is a common mental habit that involves endlessly replaying negative thoughts or feelings, often related to past or future events. Persistent overthinking and repetitive thoughts can take a significant toll on your mental health, leading to an increase in negative emotions, and psychological disorders like anxiety and depression. Although people who ruminate often do so with the belief that they are solving a problem, the reality is they are ensuring their mood remains low by not participating in rewarding activities. If rumination is not actively targeted in treatment, significant research has shown it will result in slower symptom reduction during treatment and can lead to a poorer response to therapy. Because poor treatment outcome is associated with rumination, there are Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) interventions specifically designed to teach people how to stop ruminating."

Here are some tips from their website, and a LINK to delve into it further. I have found working toward minimizing my rumination a huge help in reducing my depression.

1. Journal.

2. Distract yourself.

3. Be mindful.

4. Make a plan.

5. Consider new perspectives.

6. Know your triggers.

7. Schedule your worry.

8. Recognize unproductive worry.

9. See a therapist.

Mental Health Aps

CNET.COM published a list of the Best Mental Health Apps of 2025.

NOTE: Not all of these apps are free. This list does not imply endorsement.

Best online therapy apps - Talkspace

Best meditation mental health app - Calm (FREE)

Best app to combat negative thinking - Moodfit

Best mental health app to boost your mood - Happify

Best mental health app for anxiety - MindShift CBT - (FREE)

* * * * *

BEST FREE MENTAL HEALTH APPS (From sources across the web)

Calm
MindShift CBT - Anxiety Relief
Happify
PTSD Coach
Sanvello
Insight Timer - Meditation
Smiling Mind
Breathe, Think, Do with Sesame Street
CBT-i Coach
Fabulous
I Am Sober
Managing Your Stress and Anxiety
NOCD
QuitNow
Better Help - Therapy
Youper - CBT Therapy Chatbot

Sometimes you just have to order pizza – all major food groups and deliciousness with no cooking, no clean up, and no guilt.

Get help.

Thanks to Shakespeare, March 15 is well known as the Ides of March (he didn't create that term). In his play "Julius Caesar" a soothsayer warns Caesar to "Beware the Ides of March!" March 15 was the day that Caesar was assassinated by people who were his closest friends and colleagues. Yikes!

Now, I don't promote paranoia. Trust no one? I love the X-Files, but that's kind of bleak. And most importantly it doesn't serve you very well.

Who can you trust? Find someone with no history with you and no preconceived notions of who you are. Someone objective. Someone trained to objectively listen to you and guide you. 

Here's list of 5 ideas to get you started -- but there are so many more resources to get help.

        * Your family doctor can always refer you for the appropriate counseling.

* Your school guidance counselor has a comprehensive list of help in your area.

* Any church, synagogue or place of spiritual observation. The doors are always open to places of worship, and no matter what you believe or if you are a non-believer, there are people there trained to listen who have a lot of community resources to refer you to.

* Crisis hotlines are available for most issues. The people who answer are trained, experienced and compassionate.

* Support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous (and many others) offer help from your peers -- people who have some of the same issues you do and can simply listen and offer nonjudgmental support. 

Most importantly, please get help if you need help.

A Personal Note

For years "It's not a tumor!" -- a line Arnold Schwarzenegger said in "Kindergarten Cop" -- was my go-to joke. I said it all the time. Seriously, people got a bit annoyed with my lame humor (and terrible Arnold impression).

In 2020 -- the perfect year for it -- I found out it WAS, in fact, a tumor. I was diagnosed with a very large (2" diameter) tumor right in the middle of my brain. The middle front-to-back, top-to-bottom and side-to-side. Just sitting there growing and putting increasing pressure on the rest of the brain. 

It was benign, thank all deities, and I had successful surgery to remove it on my birthday. A rebirth for me.

So, first of all -- 2020 sucked.

Second -- my 2020 was pretty lucky, after all, as the tumor that eventually would have killed me was finally discovered and removed.

Third -- you really, really, really, really should not self-diagnose or self-treat.

This website is written by a layperson, but even if I was an eminent research biologist or renowned psychologist, the advice would be the same. See a doctor. In person. Right now. 

If you are depressed or have ANY symptoms, frankly, see a doctor and get a thorough check-up. Doctors are pretty smart. A fantastic G.P. knew the first time we talked that I needed an MRI. 

Get help.

They Say Happiness is the Best Revenge

There Are So Many TED Talks About Depression...

"I'm Fine" - Learning to Live with Depression – Jake Tyler – TEDxBrighton”

“Depression is huge. It's the biggest, most inclusive club in the world. Anyone can join. It's evolving all the time. But its biggest trick is convincing everyone who's part of that club that they're the only member. Isn't that clever?”

An endearing and inspiring TEDTalk.

Read something that once made you feel really great. Maybe it will again!

It could be a children's book, a sci-fi classic, or a biography of one of your heroines.

Escape to a familiar and comforting world, and recreate the incredible feelings that this favorite once inspired.

A Little Help From Your Friends...

 Sound Advice 

(not my creation - no attribution found)

Tip of the Day 

Sit in the sun. From healthline.com:

“Exposure to sunlight is thought to increase the brain’s release of a hormone called serotonin. Serotonin is associated with boosting mood and helping a person feel calm and focused...

“Without enough sun exposure, your serotonin levels can dip. Low levels of serotonin are associated with a higher risk of major depression with seasonal pattern (formerly known as seasonal affective disorder or SAD). This is a form of depression triggered by the changing seasons.”

Get help.

Reading these tips may be very helpful to you. But you know what would be even better?

Professional help.

Even if you've tried before and think nothing can help you. Try again.

Get help.

* * * * *

Here are 7 resources with toll-free phone and/or text numbers for emergency help:

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (English & Spanish) - 988
Lifeline Crisis Chat: https://988lifeline.org/chat/

Crisis Text Line – US and Canada: text “HOME” to 741741
UK: text “SHOUT” to 85258
Canada: KHP (Kids Help Phone) text CONNECT to 686868
Ireland: text “HOME” to 50808

The Trevor Project: www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/
Crisis/Suicide Intervention for LGBTQ youth under 25, 1-866-488-7386.
Free, confidential, secure – text START to 678-678.

National Domestic Violence Helpline:
1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788 – TTY – 1-800-787-3224
Chat in Spanish from the website: https://espanol.thehotline.org/

Military OneSource – Help for U.S. Military Personnel
Call and talk anytime, 24/7, in Spanish & English – 1-800-342-9647.
TTY/TDD – Dial 711 and give the toll free number 800-342-9647
Live Chat – https://livechat.militaryonesourceconnect.org/chat/

The International Association for Suicide Prevention can link you to hotlines and other resources outside of the USA: https://www.iasp.info/resources/

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Helpline:
1-800-662-4357(HELP)
Call or Text 988
Confidential, free, 24/365 information service, in English and Spanish

Strengthen your relationships with the people you love. Sometimes you may feel like darkness surrounds you, and they can be a beacon to follow back to the world.

So, make a list of those you want to stay in touch with and every week call or email the next person on the list.

The people you depend on or who depend on you should be contacted most frequently, but the more people you stay in touch with the lighter your life will feel.

And you may be the guiding light in someone else's life – helping them more than you will ever know.

Hmmm... Sounds Kind of Like the Reality of the Moment

10 Signs It's Time to Get Help for Depression

Hopelessness

An inability to concentrate

Unexplained aches and pains

Apathy concerning things you used to like to do

Alcohol or drug abuse

Changes in sleep habits

Changes in appetite and eating

Irritability, agitation, and moodiness

Feelings of worthlessness and guilt

Thoughts of death, suicide, or self-harm

        - healthcentral.com

Just sayin'...

Hey, you gotta' have faith.

Vincent Van Gogh

“Vincent Van Gogh, famous painter and artist, was labeled peculiar with unstable moods most of his short life. Many people have tried to give a definitive diagnosis of his illness through reading his personal letters. It seems clear that his depressive states were also accompanied by manic episodes of enormous energy and great passion. Van Gogh committed suicide at age 37.” (Famous People and Depression)

Considered one of the greatest artists to ever live, Van Gogh's short life has inspired many artists over the years, including the producers of the BBC television series Doctor Who, who created an incredible episode called Vincent and the Doctor.

The joy and melancholy that must have been Vincent is achingly apparent in THIS scene. And the poignancy of knowing that he killed himself no matter how many people loved his work, is stunning. It's an illness, folks.

"The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality." - Andrew Solomon

I LOVE the writer Andrew Solomon. To be fair, you will find I say that about a lot of people. Ren, for instance. I LOVE Ren. And Maggie Smith.

Solomon is a brilliant, witty, insightful, and freaking prolific author, and one of his books that I adore is The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression.

Perhaps my favorite quote of his, though many are in the running, is from a phenomenal TED Talk, linked below: “The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.”

Depression,The Secret We Share

Live to Fight Another Day

Depression is an illness that is deeply effected by your environment. And these days the world can be extremely depressing. AND, realistically, we know that even harder times may be coming.

The only way we are going to get through is with inner fortitude. And love. And faith -- religious faith or faith in ourselves and those we love.

Here are 5 quick tips:

Get enough sleep. Sleeplessness is a fairly normal reaction to depression, which is ironic because sleeping too much is, as well. How do you get enough sleep then? TIP: Sound. Listen to environmental sounds such as ocean waves, gentle rainfall or thunderstorms. Listen to classical music, or instrumental music in general. Listen to "binaural beats" - music theoretically designed to put you in a different brain state for deep relaxation or sleep.

Make a concerted effort to make eye contact and smile and nod to people you pass wherever you go. It's a simple, quick thing to do and it really can make you AND the person you connect with feel great, if only for a moment. Those moments add up.

Set a time limit on your news consumption. We must stay engaged to create the world we crave. But we also need to keep a clear head, not influenced by outside voices. So allow yourself to watch or listen to news for just an hour or two each day. 

Socialize. Have regular breakfast or lunch dates with friends. Hang out in the park or on your front stoop. Go to the library. Attend an event, such as a lecture or concert, parade or local sporting event. As tempting as it is to isolate in times of stress, it's not great for your mental health. Being around human energy is actually good for human beings. Who knew?

Always be kind. One way to exorcise the demons of sadness and anger is to be kind. Avoid snapping at people out of frustration, and -- as difficult as it is -- arguing angrily with people you don't agree with. The stakes are high, but it's most important that you get through this emotionally and mentally intact. It's the only way we persevere, make the crucial changes we must make in our direct environment, AND manage to live in the world we currently have. 

I love you. Hang in there!